So often I try to justify my discontentment, especially since my life since November last year has been horrible, probably the worst 8 months ever. I reached 3 and ½ years in chronic pain and reached my highest weight ever. I felt like I’d lost everything important to me. I’ve been unemployed, left some and I failed at study as I moved back home, mooching of my family and held the stereotype that has. I’m sad I’ve left my good friends behind in Sydney, I’ve been rejected and felt isolated. Reuniting with family in February and old friends has been the only constellation.

Nearly halfway through the year, I can now see that constellation was not a constellation at all. How ungrateful I’d been. I’ve realised the reality is that I am loved. But it’s real, true (and almost unconditional) love. My friends and family have continued to love me and persevere with me despite the inconvenience and trouble I can be. I realised I have more close friends than I can count. So many wonderful ladies who have been continually supportive, empathetic and non-judgemental. They’ve listened to me and given me wise advice. I’ve laughed and laughed and cried and then laughed some more. I’ve been able to have Skype dates, Facebook chats, coffee dates, dinner dates, chocolate feasts, movie marathons and phone conversations. Really. How blessed am I. When I’ve been in my darkest moments God has continued to provide light in the form of family and friends.

And how could I forget unconditional love from my wonderful creator and king? His never ending grace and kindness has never faulted.

I AM grateful. I MUST be grateful. Because in all the darkness, God has given me light. This light is not at the end of the tunnel, but throughout as my frends and family help me hold onto hope and grow as I eagerly await the New Creation. No more sickness, no more sadness, no more sin.