Category: Life

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Sure, you’re in pain – but it could be worse, you could have an exploding gall bladder, do some exercise, it will make you feel better.

Male “women’s pain specialist”

My Special Friend: who has supported me through my endo journey

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Just over a week ago, I posted about how lonely and isolating Endo can be. I can say with all certainty that my experience would have been 100x worse without this friend.

For the six months my pelvic pain was undiagnosed, this girl who I barely new started to take me out to tea or lunch at little café’s .. then she started driving me to doctors and specialist appointments while my husband was at work. I want to thank and honour her, because I have no idea what I would have done without her.

After my laperoscopy, she was still there and when the pain returned, she stayed with me and listened to the constant complaining and whining. She shared her own experience, without taking away from mine.She walked slow with me, when others wouldn’t. She kept me company when I felt alone. She shouted me lunch or coffee after an expensive specialist visit. She respectfully explained my situation to others when I didn’t have it in me. She never judged me when I lost hope and said thing I later regretted. She was a true blessing and gift from God and I will be eternally thankful for her.

I want to publicly say thank you to her, she knows who she is… and if you want to make a difference in the world – be there for people. Just listening empathetically and a little bit of driving around can literally change someone’s life. It’s not insignificant and you’re not insignificant.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

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So, how to explain Endo to someone?
“It’s like really bad period pain, all the time.”
“It’s like having your period, but you bleed inside your body.”
“I’ll save you the gory details, it’s basically tissue build-up inside my body where it shouldn’t be.”
“How about I kick your privates and you can see how it feels?”

Dude, that’s heavy!

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I’ve gained approximately 20-25kgs in just over two years. I say approx because I haven’t been on the scales in months, I am too scared to see the number. I mean, I feel uncomfortable in my body, I KNOW I’ve been gaining weight. I get it. 

I have been to multiple specialists, both for the endo/pain and for my mental health. They love to talk to me as if my “real” problem is that I’m just overweight. Ironically, I’m “clinically obese” courtesy of endometriosis. “You need to do more vigorous exercise,” as if I haven’t tried before and been crippled by pain, if not during, then after. I’ve been trying to go for regular, gentle walks – but it doesn’t seem good enough. Sure, I could eat better, but it’s not as easy as it sounds, particularly when it’s hard to enjoy anything and the sweet and beautiful taste of chocolate gives me a small sense of enjoyment.

In saying this, I’m not disregarding, or even trying to justify the that I haven’t made the best choices over the last two year to maintain a healthier weight. I know I have to take responsibility for my actions. But, I tell ya what, it’s flipping hard!

So, Alex, if this is my life for however long, how will I get myself down to a healthy weight and maintain it? Well, that’s a good question, Alex. I am going to be more faithful in my adherence to “Lite’n’Easy” and I’ll actually go to the gym, with my medical certificate. I’ll organise an appointment with a female trainer, empathetic to my condition. So here is it, in writing – I am now accountable to cyberspace to do so.

Good-luck Alex. In the meantime I’ll try to remind myself that I am beautiful and dearly loved by my creator no matter how much I weigh. 

A final comment: I always felt heavy/bigger growing up, especially compared to my friends. But I look at myself now, over 100kgs and a size 22, and would do almost anything to get back to the way I was. One day, Alex, one day.

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And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Endometriosis can be a lonely journey

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Today I went to my third conference in a week. These conferences are great opportunities to meet new people and make networks and connections – except everyone stands around to chat. Ordinarily, this isn’t an issue, but when it takes every ounce of energy, mental and physical to do so, it’s hard. So, I sit along outskirts of the room, watching everyone mingle, just wishing I had the energy to do the same.

Conditions like endometriosis are invisible; it’s not like a broken leg, where you have a cast. There is no physical feature that you can identify, maybe except a hunched back or hobble. (But I am so thankful for the two lovely girls who went out of their way to chat to me, it was a real blessing. But they left.)

This is one example of the social isolation I regularly encounter. Often, I can’t go for a walk in the park or on the beach and when I do go out socially, I fall behind the group – I can’t keep up. Sometimes pain-killers limit one’s ability to drive and get around too. However, the bottom line is, like with all chronic pain, I am tired all the time. By the time I work and try to fulfil my domestic obligations, I need to sit or sleep.

It gets very lonely and it can be easy to feel isolated. No one seems to understand what you’re going through – they want to, but they don’t. It’s not just the pain, but the seemingly hopelessness of it all. There is some research on the condition, but there is still no identifiable “cause” or “cure”. The reality is, a woman may be stuck with Endo until menopause or have a hysterectomy – how can anyone else understand that?

For those who don’t have Endo, we who do need support and friendship. We need fun, excitement and distraction. If you know someone with endometriosis, or any chronic pain, I plea with you – make the extra effort to spend time with, listen to and cry with them. Because, most of the time, they need and desire it, but don’t know how to ask for and pursue it. Being healthy and having energy is a blessing, so use it to support those who don’t.

For those who do have Endo, be open with your experience (appropriately of course), because there are millions of other women suffering through it too. As isolating as chronic pain feels, the reality is, we aren’t alone.