This is my testimony and my source of hope – eternal life through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. #eternallife #1john511 #streetart #bibleverse (photo taken in Melbourne)
Category: Personal Therapy
What ‘in Sickness and in Health’ Really Means
First published on The Mighty.
If you’re thinking about marriage – you may be engaged, talking about engagement or fanaticising about marrying that beautiful man. Whatever your status is, seriously ask yourself, are you really ready to say “I do.”
After writing a letter to my newly divorced self I realised, at 20 years old, my fiancé had no idea what he was committing to. When he looked into my eyes, shaking with nerves and excitement as he said “I do,” he actually didn’t understand what “in sickness and in health” meant.
I was pretty healthy! I was studying full time and had two jobs. Yes, he knew about my struggle with depression and had cared for me through many chest and sinus infections. Even though he knew all that when he put a ring on it, he was not prepared for Chronic Pain, Endometriosis and PCOS. Really, who is?
When we married in November 2010 we were both pretty healthy. Sadly, the chronic pain from endometriosis had well and truly set in during my January period. We had barely been married two months and his promise to love me in sickness and health was already being tested.
What does in sickness and in health mean?
Sure, you’re both healthy now. You can run, go for strolls on the beach, have a 10 pin bowling date, have painless sex and ready to stick by your partner for better and worse. But…
Are you willing to take an income hit when if they can’t work full time?
Are you willing to use days off to drive your partner to the doctors?
Are you willing to accept potential infertility?
Are you willing to see a marriage counsellor to help you process the grief and changes together?
Are you willing to see a sex therapist, even if it is super embarrassing and awkward?
Are you willing to deal with your grief?
Are you willing suck up your pride, seek your own support and see a counsellor yourself to help you accept, process and manage your own feelings of loss, disappointment, resentment, anger, bitterness and unfairness?
Are you willing to use your leave to help care for your partner if they need surgery?
Are you willing to watch the person you love the most in this world suffer physical and mental pain?
Are you willing to advocate for your partner when they have lost hope and when no one else will?
Are you willing to learn about the illness with your partner?
Are you willing to do ask your friends and family for support?
Are you willing to try new activities, ones that you can do together, things you wouldn’t have tried until your options were limited?
Are you going to stick around and choose to love that person every day until ‘death do us part,’ even if you hate the illness?
It is true that you never know how you will react in a situation until you’re in it. But if you can’t answer yes to many of these questions, maybe it’s something to think about.
One Way: Jesus
…you’re the only one that I could live for. In troubled times it’s you I seek, because you’re the only one I need. I look to you and you are always there.
Photo taken in Melbourne was I was scouring the streets for street art, 2015.
#Jesus #oneway #grace #faith #love #john146
Jesus Christ Superstar
Number 8 & first amateur musical of the year was #JesusChristSuperstar by @queenslandmusicaltheatre !! I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the principle cast and orchestra! It was certainly 100x more enjoyable than the Lismore Workers Club production I endured as a kid. The talent of #MaryMagdeline was fantastic and she was absolutely stunning!… and who would have thought #KingHerod would steal the show with one number. My love for the music was reignited – I think I have a new album to keep on repeat for a while! #ayearofmusicals #musicals #communitytheatre #queenslandmusicaltheater #spoileralert (at UQ Schonell Theatre)
Little Shop of Horrors Take 2
Number 7b – what do you do when a new group wants to see a musical you were already seeing? See it again and then take 100 ridiculous photos posing with a plant! Thank you for another stellar performance @littleshopoz!! @hayestheatre, you never cease to amaze me, please relocate to Brisbane! #hayestheatre #littleshopofhorrors #littleshopoz #feedmeseymour #ayearofmusicals #mentalhealthcopingstrategy (at QPAC – The Playhouse)
Little Shop of Love!
Musical Number 7 was the Little Shop of Horrors! Indulged this afternoon while enjoying the off-Broadway version of a childhood cult classic. Thank you @luckiestproductions, @tinderboxproductions, @estheryeah, @brenthill and the cast/crew of @littleshopoz for putting on a slick, fun, sassy, creative and crazy production! What a talented team! I would seriously recommend seeing it – you will be fed by all the laughs, all the talent, all the puppetry and all the kinds of (good) messed up!
#littleshopoz #ayearofmusicals #feedme #hayestheatre #seymore #littleshopofterror #audrey2 #skidrow (at QPAC – The Playhouse)
To My Newly Separated Self After My Illness Led to Divorce
Writing this was emotional and cathartic. Not yet had the guts to post this on personal pages – maybe one day.
To My Newly Separated Self After My Illness Led to Divorce
Two and a half years later, I’ve written the letter I wish I could have read when my marriage ended because of my chronic illnesses.
To my newly separated self,
It’s over. It’s actually over. The person you loved the most has gone. Your best friend abandoned you. The person who made you a lifelong promise of commitment “for better and for worse… in sickness and in health” in front of your friends and family has walked away. No more cuddles, no more sweet texts, no more dinner dates… just — gone.
Yes, it is unfair, and it is scary. I know you’re heartbroken, hurting, ashamed and grieving. I can still remember feeling as if my heart was being ripped out through my stomach. I know you’re hurt, scared of judgment and being alone…
… but please give yourself space to grieve. You had already lost so much, your body, your mind, your dreams for the future and now your partner. Loss of any kind is difficult to deal with, so allow yourself to grieve. Cry, binge on Netflix, burn your photos, buy some new clothes, change your hair, eat liters of ice cream, absorb yourself in a book or visit your best mate — do whatever you need to do to process the reality that the relationship is over. The only wrong way to mourn is to deny yourself of the right and necessity to grieve.
Know that your spouse wasn’t rejecting you, they were trying to escape the illness. I don’t say this to justify the broken promises, nor devalue your pain. I say it to discourage self-blame, self-hate guilt and shame, because it is not your fault. You didn’t get to choose to be healthy, but your spouse chose not to love you unconditionally or honor their commitment.
Please don’t isolate yourself — you are not alone. Many relationships in which one partner has a chronic illness break down. It feels easier to stay in bed and not face the world, but there are people in your life who care about you and want to offer support. Yes, yes, some people will always be ignorant, but many will surprise you, and you can learn to ignore the ignorance. Besides, those who have dismissed your illness in the past may finally understand how it has infiltrated every part of your life.
Allow others to show you compassion and how valuable you are. It will help fight against and disprove the lies that you are unlovable, worthless, damaged goods or alone. It will reflect how resilient you have become. When people reach out, don’t send them away and when people feel far away, ask for support.
Learn to accept and forgive. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world inhabited with broken people that have broken relationships. This sad reality means forgiveness is necessary, unless you desire to grow bitter. The spiritual and emotional freedom that comes from forgiveness will help you accept your new life and grieve. Forgiveness, freedom and acceptance are far better than being consumed by hatred.
So don’t lose hope. Instead, share your pain, fears, tears, tissues, Netflix subscription, and tubs Ben and Jerry’s. Remember to say to yourself, “I have a restored relationship with the powerful creator of the universe, and his faith gives me tangible hope. I am loved and resilient. It’s OK to grieve. I can forgive and persevere.”
Besides, now that you’re single, you no longer have to consider someone else in most decisions you make or shave your legs every week. You can eat the food you want, spend more time with friends, choose the TV channel and work toward regaining your independence.
Know that you have the strength to grieve your previous life and accept this new one. Keep trucking on.
With care, compassion, empathy and love,
Your divorced self.
P.S. I don’t recommend looking at wedding photos too much — it’s not a fun time!
The Annie Chronicles
For those of you who were wondering why I own a uterus-teddy, thank you for asking! Yes, she freaks some people out but more than anything else, she sends eye rolls right in my direction.
Meet Annie, my adorable, pink, fluffy uterus and follow our adventures!
People should know that eye rolls and awkwardness only fuelsmy quirkiness… but as fun as it is seeing people react to my plush friend, Annie is a symbol of something greater.
She is a psychological tool to help me associate my ‘uterus’ with kindness and appreciation, rather than the hatred I’ve felt for many years. Hating your body can be toxic and psychologically damaging, but by the grace of God, Annie has really helped me to accept my body the way it is, disease and all.
For those wondering why I called her Annie, thank you for asking! As a hormone treatment to manage the Endo and PCOS, I am taking a progesterone pill called Visanne… if you missed it, Visanne, just with an ‘i’ to make it cuter.
Annie also reminds me to not feel ashamed of my illness and to keep fighting to break stigma. As a Christian and a 25 year old Australian woman I am often mortified, shocked and appalled at the ignorance and arrogance in our society. Our culture oozes with hypocritical judgement and thoughtlessness that only turns into pain which shatters a world that is already deeply fractured. In the realm of ignorance there is often little room for genuine compassion and helpful encouragement. I encourage anyone who has a friend with Chronic Illness to stop being ignorant and support the people you love by listening, researching and learn.
Annie has helped me normalise conversations on women’s health, particularly regarding Endometriosis and PCOS, diseases that can infiltrate every other area of your life: the rest of your body, relationships, work, mental health and your sense of self.
If you’re looking for your own plush organ, you can head over to i heart guts!
Good-bye… forever!
D Dear Mr Ninja Possum,
I used to think possums were cute, but you have shown me the truth!
After months of stealing out fruit, urinating on our front porch, waking us up at 2am, trashing our kitchen like a schoolie on the Gold Coast and forcing us to sleep with our windows shut in a Brisbane home with no fans, I wanted to feed you rat poison…. but when you BITE one of my guests without my permission after he fed you toast, you went too far.
Ha! I now live in a house with windscreens AND fans. So, it is with great pleasure and joy, I bid you goodbye. I truely hope the next tenants take longer than we did to realise that you were a possum, not a ‘rodent’ and they leave you bright green pellets for you to indulge in.
Yours sincerely,
Your friendly neighbour.
***The possum saga is over.***
Hairspray!
Musical number 6 #hairspraythemusical by #harvestraintheatrecompany with @hausoffro!! We were the only ones dancing in our seats, but we couldn’t help it with such an entertaining and high energy performance! #ayearofmusicals #hairsprayarenaspectacular #hairspraythemusical2016 #icanhearthebells #goodmorningbaltimore (at Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre)
Breaking Stigma 